The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
