Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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