First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
