Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
