i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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