shes about as inviting as chlamydia
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I fill condoms, not promises.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
