Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
