glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
