FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
