Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
splinters make it hard to masturbate
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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