Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
