I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
