When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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