I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
