Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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