You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
