Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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