Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
