She's JV to your varsity
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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