a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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