You kept calling me your small dog last night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
my liver is dry heaving
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
