he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
