we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
