Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
