I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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