dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
