this beer tastes like vomit already
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
