you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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