I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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