What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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