He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
