why didn't you poke me back
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
