and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
