Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
