he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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