maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
