I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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