you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
okay pat passed out under dana's car
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
