how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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