Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
as a side note pls kill me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
