what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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