someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
