So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
