I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
