I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
