are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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