Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
