do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
