it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
