Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
