So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
