i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
