i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
