dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
