Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
